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| **They Were Lost and Now I am Found** |
| 04.12.08 (2:30 pm) [edit] |
Earlier this morning at 4:00 A.M. I received an e-mail asking me if I was a
person with a particular name. I replied to this e-mail very briefly and also asked as to what connection
they were to me.Well after reading her second e-mail
it became quite obvious to me who it was. As it turns out it was a woman who I had had a romantic interlude with some 33 years ago(Yes 33 years).
Apparently she had been trying to locate me for all those years and just a few days ago found me on the internet sight "Face-
Book". Well as I re-read her second e-mail still stunned by her finding me all those thoughts that usually accompany such surprises as this came
flooding back to me! You see, what made this even
more astonishing is the fact that she was the mother of my only child and all those years ago she had just disappeared
off the face of the planet.
Although I spent many years
in search of both of them I was not successful in locating either one of them. As the time rapidly passed by, I continued to pursue trying to find them
and to no avail. I find my search for them very heartbreaking and the more I searched the farther it seemed they were getting away from me. I was always
left wondering where were
they and what were they doing and of course this just made it more difficult on myself. I've always had a "knack" of making my own circumstances
worse, and thereby being
able to pity myself even more. Is that not pathetic or what, never mind me admitting such a thing.
Now as I await her return e-mail, I feel as if I am a drowning man asking for a glass of water just before going "under". What does a person say after not hearing from someone in 33 years.Better yet, how does one explain a lifetime of absentism to a son who wondered what happen to his father!
Although I was only a teenager at the time when my son was born, that does not absolve my diapperance for all these years. To a son and his mother what explanation would suffice and the answer to that is "none! All a child wants to know is why in his opinion did I abandon him and his mother as well!
Although his mother and I are quite aware that it was she who pulled a "disappearing" act all that time ago, I cannot find her at fault in the very least.
Now as I sit at the computer writing this unbelievable "story" so many things goe through my mind as to how to approach this situation and try to see it logically through. What is the right thing to say to both of them and what I shouldn't say could be just as equally important. In a time when only the truth will do, I find myself looking for ways to circumvent it. Not that anyone is really interested in what I have written, but there will no doubt there will be a Part-2 to this so until then thanks for taking the time to read it if you do, and adios for now!
Timm17
|
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 04.12.08 (10:55 am)
As a teenager you were a different person. It's too bad that teenagers can make babies, but that's the reality. So two adolescents have sex, unprotected, and a child is born. The mother has a lot of growing up to do, just as much as the father. She takes off and approaches life with the best of intent, given her lack of maturity and wisdom and resources that go along with the situation. Surely she should have contacted you long ago. Perhaps you should have been more diligent in your pursuit? Now it is 33 years later. In my opinion, it is time to let go of guilt, anger, jquestions, etc. And be mature and honest in your conversation with this woman. If you want to see your offspring, tell her. Be wise and careful in your communication, since she seems to hold all the cards and the connection is fragile. I can only imagine what goes on in the life of a child who grows up not knowing his biological parent. Probably it is too late for you to be #1 dad. But I'll bet, if given the opportunity, there is still time to share a great connection.
Tim, there is a man in my church who as recently reconciled with his two children, whom he has not seen in 50 years. They are amazing people, and their mother did a good job of raising them. My friend is not the same man he was 50 years ago. They probably would not have like that other man. This person, no 70 years of age, is a kind and gentle and good man. And they so enjoy getting to know one another. They've let go of the past, and are truly enjoying this wonderful gift of new relationship. I hope your story will be similar. God bless!
posted by: squirrelzone (reply)
post date: 04.12.08 (1:14 pm)
What an incredible situation. How every you handle the situation take into consideration of the overwhelming feelings of your son. He may be standoffish at first. So take your time, answer his questions (if he ask) and above all cherish each momment you have with him.
posted by: auntconi (reply)
post date: 04.12.08 (2:09 pm)
Oh Timm ~ I think this is fabulous. I am a romantic at heart and I see this as a good thing. A lot of 'water has passed under the bridge' and I hope this finds a warm place in the hearts of all. After 33 years; wow!
God Bless!
posted by: bipolarexpress (reply)
post date: 04.12.08 (5:14 pm)
Ummm, I wished I could give you some good advice... just becareful, take your time, and enjoy every second that you have with him.
I'll be rooting for you!
~hugs~
posted by: rocketqueen (reply)
post date: 04.15.08 (5:42 pm)
wow. i of course have no advice being only 21 and all. you've done no harm, though, so i wouldn't be worried. obviously nerve-racking, which is an extreme understatement i can only imagine.