Your heart is not your soul, your blood nothing but liquid and weight added on, your tears are what you make them for every now and then they assist in what you might want and not so much need.... if eyes are windows of the soul then why do they often become so clouded, you see what you want to so even a blind man can see that.... they say things could always be worse so what can't they be better for a change, are your friends really there for you or are you not there at all....what we know is not always bad for you but when it is can you see that, if we understand each other so well then why are you standing over there.... what divides us is not so much a wall as the weight of all things we feel, we spend far too much time wishing things were different instead of changing....if we do not like to say goodbye then why bother!

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Not so long ago on an independent web site much similar to T-blog.com,  I encountered another "surfer" who for whatever reason was able to "connect" with me immediately on a lot of life's major issues of our time. To say that I did not feel closely as she did to our "connection" would tantamount to a bold face lie. In the past one hears about such "relationships" happening but you always think it could never happen to you, so I am hear to tell you that it can and it does exist in the realm of possibility.

Perhaps what is even more astonishing is that it can overtake yur senses and your heart before you can realize as this occured with me. As the relationship progressed the bond between the two of us seemed to become much more stronger as each day passes and the next thing you know great plans are being made to even establish a more permanent sense of oneness. Although this internet "love affair" only lasted a very short time, the intensity of it was quite overwhelming emotionally, and perhaps the most unfortunate part of this entire "affair" was that the other party involved was in the end hurt terribly by me for reasons that would not be proper to discuss on this venue!

To say that I owed this person an explanation for what happened would be in my opinion the very least that she deserves. Even to this very moment I have not afforded her an explanation nor an apology for the emotional turmoil I caused her. It is often said that time heals all wounds, but sometimes that period may seem infinite to the offended party and as they wish to move on with their life this becomes excess baggage that would does not need.

Because of the uncertainty as to what happened myself I have not been able to be forthcoming with an explanation and this is not only frustrating to me but more imortantly to the person hurt. Being a victim I am sure is no fun, and it must be treated with the respect it certainly deserves and I personally have failed the individual I have harmed. So in effect I will assume this is a public apology specifically meant for that person and as far as an explanation goes when I know all the facts and not if because I must be accountable and responsible for my own actions, she shall receive said explanation.

In conclusion, always remember that this can happen to you and just because the communication is done on a computer the emotions involved are very real and if not handled with respect and care people can be hurt substancially. Never say never!

As memories fade so does the impact of external influences from other sources. Although there are times when I wished that I could retain all the information that I would like to it is not always humanly possible. As I have become older my memory has become somewhat selective and the result has been not to my liking.

The mind works sort of like a game of that famous show "Jeopardy" with the only difference being you answer the final answer with a question about another question. I find that when I strain what a little brain left that I have, I find it incredibly frustrating not being able to be satisfied with just one answer.

I also find that it is much easier for myself to remember occurences of what happened many years ago, but cannot for the life of me recall what I said 10 minutes ago. (Tell me that is not frustrating.)! Have you ever had a vision or memory where you place yourself in a scenario where you actually feel you were a participant in an event but were actually not there in reality at all? Some people refer to this as "deja vu" or they have in another life been actually in that "picture" manifested by your own mind. It can be quite frightening to find out it was in another "dimensional reality" that this occured.

How often does this really occur in one's lifetime and what influence does it play in the reality that we actually live in. If you have any answere or opinions regarding this or have some experience that was/is similar please let me know. All I know is that this is really a confusing issue that seemingly will not go away. (No, I am not hearing voices or seeing things.... well at least not yet). Tkae care and adios for now!

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Just recently I received an e-mail from a reader wondering how many other talents I had besides writing and wanted to inquire as to whether or not I was an artist of some sort. Well the simple answer to offer was that I still only could draw "stick figures" and more than likely would not graduate beyond that level. So any aspirations of being another "Van Gogh" was simply lost on me.

One talent that I have hidden throughout the course of my lifetime is not letting people know that I play the piano and if I say so myself modestly, I am quite proficient at it. Starting at the age of seven I "monkeyed" around on the piano and as I grew older I was taught the proper way to play and how it was important to sit properly upright while one played. One of the major reasons why I do not often play for an audience is because people always are requesting me to play the "top 10" and I find that incredibly aggravating.

Perhaps I should be somewhat more patient with people when the ask such things but I fnd that when I play it is for the most part for myself. When I am composing a piece that is new, I find it is very easy for me to become literally lost in what I am playing currently and have no knowledge of what goes on around me at all. There could be a third world war going on and I wouldn't know any different and that is how extremely consumed I am when I play. Yes I know I sound ike some moronic conceited ass but after all that is what my Tbog "profile" says anyways. "LOL"!

Well there you have it folks, the "flash in the pan artist" that I am. We all have a special talent and just to offer up a "teeny" suggestion, please do not hide away any special talent that you might have because it is much more fun to share with a world that needs such individuals to bring more joy to all our hearts.

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As American special forces continued their advance from the north and south positions they had originally started with, small advanced units of the Viet Cong on a "recon' mission to gather intelligence of enemy forces, literally stumbled upon the American special forces unit near the end of their mission. Totally surprised to be discovered a firefight ensued. Although the North Vietmanese forces were outnumbered by a huge margin( 265 to 12 ), they continued to lay down groundfire defensively as they retreated to a better vantage point of higher ground.

Being discovered, the Americans immediately radioed base command to inform them of being "found out" by an enemy patrol. Having escaped from the American forces, the small recon unit reported back to their commanders of their encounter with a large opposing force and all the while not realizing that the actual main American/South Vietmanese force of 2700 soldiers had yet to be "made"! To add to the confusion of the moment for both sides was how to attack yet avoid an ambush which seemed more likely as each hour passed.

Having been made aware of the enemy's position or so they thought the Viet Cong proceeded to amount an attack towards the advancing column of American special forces on their flanks with the main of of their troops going through the center position. The actual numbers of North Vietmanese troops will perhaps never be known, but a conservative estimate was made at approximately 6500 almost double the American troops on the ground. With a massive air assault by the USAF this unit was literally laid waste after just 2 hours of constant bombardment killing practically 70% of the Norh Vietnam army on that day.

American casualties were also quite high and the closest "guess" as to how many men were killed that day may be considered equal to the number of "body bags" requested by Sunfire command. The requested amount totalled 368 and although "Central Command" would argue these numbers are inaccurate compared to the official version of 144 it was widely accepted within the higher command that the "unofficial" count was the more reliable one. As for what happened to father, well perhaps it will be never known his fate. The Pentagon in all it's "infinite wisdom" has declined to comment on virtually anything that has to deal with "Daddy". It has been rumored more than once that he was being held captive intially, but as the years passed by and no word of an exchange of prisoners was ever mentioned by either side. So as of January 16/ 1971, the official version still remains that " Father" is still missing in action or commonly referred to as "MIA".  Maybe yes/ Maybe no?

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As days passed into weeks the location of "Father" as he was affectionately known became more of a concern to top level "Sunfire" officials. Communication between operatives at times are so clandestine that if there is no definitive identification of one another their lives may be placed in great danger by even the most seemingly innocent contact.

As North Vietmanese troops were attempting to mass an assault on a nearby American/South Vietmanese force with approximately 2700 soldiers, two smaller units comprised of 265 men each were crossing the Cambodian border from the north to mount a surprise attack from the northeast sector commonly referred to as "Angel 5"! With the main advancing force from the south, the Americans were hoping to ambush the Viet Cong regulars force and although their intelligence units claimed the enemy would be taken completely by surprise, previous intelligence reports were not always as accurate as they would have liked.

Air strikes were to be used as close in support for the troops on the ground so the B-52 bombers were ruled out in this action. Because of the density of the terrain in the northeast sector tanks and armoured vehicles were to be kept to a minimum so they would not hinder advancing units. Unknown to "Sunfire" command small pockets of North Vietmanese resistance fighters in units of 10 to 15 men each were attempting to outflank the American main units and hoping to create a battle line on 3 fronts. Although the North Vietmanese were much more ill-equipped with respect to having fighter aircraft for support, they were heavily armoured with long range artillery which could be very effective if used accurately.

Part-3 to be continued this Monday, June 16/ 2008.

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Once upon a time there were three sisters. Let's call them Serena, Samantha(Sam) and Sarah. The numbers are as follows:  Serena**Hgt:5'-11 inches, Wght-144, Hair- Black, Complexion- Fair**** Samantha- Hgt- 5"-7 inches, Wght-125, Hair-Strawberry Blonde, Complexion- Permanently Tanned**** Sarah- Hgt-5'10 inches, Wght-122, Hair- Dirty Blonde , Complexion- Average.

Each of these daughters were of the same father but different mothers. Father had a tendency to charm the ladies in more ways then one and ultimately this resulted in trouble for Father. Having avoided responsibility for most of his life, especially in raising his three girls there came a time when he was confronted by each daughter as to what happened that had made him disappear for the greater part of them growing up. Well suffice it to say he had no logical explanation for his absentism so it came as no big surprise to the girls when he refused to elaborate.

Unknown to the girls, their "father" had been living a double life under an assumed name and halfway across the planet in Southeast Asia and more specific South Vietnam. During the 1960's he had been drafted into a security agency known as " The Sunfire Group ", a collection of former Green Beret veterans who specialized in the assassinations of key enemy operatives in the North Vietmanese Army. The groups' mandate was to gather intelligence and integrate this intelligence with other information already obtained previously by questionable methods.

The war had yet to escalate into the nearby country of Cambodia but Sunfire "operatives" had been established just inside the border of  Cambodia since 1958. As his daughters were being raised by their mothers, the whereabouts of "Daddy" remained somewhat of a mystery to not only to them but also to his superiors at Sunfire base command. Although it was suppose to be mandatory for each operative to " check" in every 24 hours with HQ (headquarters) there were exceptions to this regulation though rarely accepted.

Part - 2 to shall be continued this coming week.

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Earlier this morning as I was walking towards an appointment a tune from the Elton John album "Madman Across the Water" started to circulate in my mind and it is one of those tunes that is hard to rid yourself of because it is so good! The name of the song was of course the title song to the album and that led to the rest of the album "singing" through my brain ( or whats left of it ).

One song in particular stood out among the rest of the songs on the album and that was entitled "Blues For Baby and Me". There is just something about that song that makes my spine tingle. From there this led me on to other older material by Elton John, and then I started to realize just what a volume of music this artist had created, especially the songwriting aspect of his music.

In association with songwriter Bernie Taupin Elton has collaborated on some of the most recognizable songs of the last 40 years. Such songs as, " Daniel, Eldeberry Wine, Your Song, Bennie and the Jets, Levon and Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" are just a few of the memorable songs written by this songwritind duo. As a youth I strongly remember listening to this English gentleman sit at his piano and out of nowhere create this fantastic(Captain Fantastic) music emanating from his voice and the piano he played.

The thing most interesting to me is how he has adapted to each decade as if he was playing anew for all of us. His material always sounded fresh and different and because of this I became a true fan of him and his music. He not only creates great melodies but many years later they even sound far better.

To this very day I can find myself whistling some song of his at any given time and it never fails to inspire the rest of my day. If memories are made of this then God help me if I ever forget.

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Sometimes it is not so easy to remember what is important in the final analysis of the way things are. Sometimes it is not so easy to witness the "Truth" being embellished. Sometimes fiction is not so stranger than non-fiction. Sometimes the artists' portrayal on canvas is through the subjects' eyes.

Sometimes things do work out as expected. Sometimes our expectations far exceed the wishes of those who would like to see us fail! Sometimes our dreams foretell actually nothing more than what we cannot or are unwilling to see. Sometimes the best laid plans are the worst indications of our true inner desires. Sometimes hatred is nothing more than a refusal to love.

Sometimes an idea is not worth the paper it is written on. Sometimes reality is much better than fantasy. Sometimes we actually get what is coming to us. Sometimes your best friends require more than just a kick in the ass. Sometimes a revolution is nothing more than a group currently bored enough to not give a damn who they "hurt". Sometimes we really care about who makes it and who doesn't.

Sometimes family is the last thing we really want or need around us. Sometimes we feel hurt when not invited to make asses out of ourselves. Sometimes you just want to be long regardless of what the cost to us personally. Sometimes lonliness is not all it is cracked up to be. Sometimes all we really want to do is forget but cannot. Sometimes all we wish is for the world to go away. Sometimes we desire what we cannot have whether good or bad. Sometimes we do not know when to say enough is enough. Sometimes we all want to scream and when we do, no one can hear us. Sometimes just!

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Well today I will be attending my sisters' internment or should I say her ashes being interred. She passed away last November of 2007 and they were not able to "break" ground because of the time of her passing. Now here we are once more as a "family" in a group in of all places a cemetery meeting again.

There is no doubt, at least in my mind that it seems like this family of mine can be likened to " A Gathering of Vultures " waiting for the formalities of burying my sister's ashes then race to the lawyers' offices to hear the reading of the will. (Oh, what a surprise) !  I think that it is safe to assume that everyone will be on their best behavior or at least until the opening of the "carcass"( oops, I meant the will). After the reading of the will, no doubt expressions on certain members of the "family" will change significantly as will their behavior.

Of course I shall not attend this "conference" because it will be all I can do just to not break out laughing when seeing them at the gravesite. Most of the family members are currently not aware that a few nieces of mine who are the executors of the will, have already liquidated most of my sisters' assets before she even passed away. I believe in "legalese" terms this constitutes not only embezzlement, but also fraud and grand larceny but I will let the proper authorities take care of that end of it . By law, all who stand to benefit from someones's demise, must be given a full and proper accounting of who gets what and where it not only has been spent but also on what!

It should prove very interesting to see how they account for their misdeeds and greed and to watch them squirm like the "worms" they are. My sister deserved better than this!

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